{"id":370,"date":"2011-06-07T12:00:43","date_gmt":"2011-06-07T16:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/?page_id=370"},"modified":"2025-04-26T11:38:46","modified_gmt":"2025-04-26T15:38:46","slug":"chapter-17-fateful-turn-warning-bells","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/?page_id=370","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 17: Red Flags Everywhere"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3>Start of High School<\/h3>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/musicnotes-tiny.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" size-full wp-image-9464 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/musicnotes-tiny.gif\" alt=\"musicnotes-tiny\" width=\"50\" height=\"61\" \/><\/a>Ah Leah<br \/>\n<\/strong>Donny Iris<\/p>\n<p><a id=\"mbmaplayer_1375807942070\" class=\"{skin:'black', animate:false, width:'120', volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false}\" href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Donny-Iris-Ah-Leah.mp3\">Donny Iris &#8211; Ah Leah<\/a><textarea class=\"map_params\" style=\"display: block; padding: 3px; background: #444; color: #fff; text-decoration: none;\" disabled=\"disabled\">map :: {skin:&#8217;black&#8217;, animate:false, width:&#8217;120&#8242;, volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false}<\/textarea><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-2413 \" title=\"EBHS Bear\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/EBHS-Bear.jpg\" alt=\"EBHS Bear\" width=\"310\" height=\"265\" \/><br \/>\n<strong>On our first day at East Brunswick High School,\u00a0<\/strong>Mike and I walked together, stopping in the orchard on the school grounds for some private time. This would become a regular thing.<\/p>\n<p>We had the same homeroom teacher, Ms. Muller, who also taught our biology class. I clutched a map of the building as I negotiated my way around, and Mike and I walked home at the end of the day.<\/p>\n<p>Mike (along with fellow trumpet player and wingman John B), attended marching band practices after school.\u00a0 Naturally, I had been hanging\u00a0 around during summer evening practices to be with him, then we walked home.<\/p>\n<p>Gordon T was also the high school marching band director. (See where this is going?)<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_6696\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-6696\" style=\"width: 400px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-6696\" title=\"E.T. Poster\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/ET-Poster-385x600.jpg\" alt=\"E.T. Poster\" width=\"400\" height=\"623\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/ET-Poster-385x600.jpg 385w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/ET-Poster-192x300.jpg 192w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/ET-Poster.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-6696\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">My mother absolutely adored this movie<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Since I was always at practice anyway, Mr. T asked me if I would consider joining as a cymbal player in the drum section.\u00a0I jumped at it, not knowing the first thing about marching bands but eager to grab an excuse to be with Mike.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #333399;\">(Little did I know at the time that my involvement with Mike would spark my interest in percussion, setting the path toward membership in college marching band, where I would meet my future husband \u2026 how God works!)<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As sophomore year took off, I got my cymbals and uniform, went to all the rehearsals and competitions, and every Bears football game.<\/p>\n<p>I learned the music and drills quickly, and crashed cymbals to my heart\u2019s content, all the while becoming interested in playing the snare drum.<\/p>\n<p>I watched the three snare players and went home to imitate the motions and beats using plastic rulers (yes, really), the closest thing to drumsticks in my house at the time.\u00a0At that point, I didn&#8217;t know whether this new interest would go anywhere.<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile, Mom\u2019s nursing career was in full swing, and this included pediatrics and Lamaze courses at the hospital, as well as freelance sessions for pregnant couples down in our family room at home.<\/p>\n<p>She continued her church involvement, including serving as an altar assistant, and we sang in the adult choir together. Cancer maintenance continued as well. She was also elected Branch President of the insurance company Aid Association for Lutherans.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_86\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-86\" style=\"width: 400px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-86\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/ebhs-4ever.jpg\" alt=\"EBHS Bears forever!\" width=\"400\" height=\"453\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-86\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">EBHS Bears forever!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>She became a devoted Band Parent, and we proudly wore our twin <em>East Brunswick Marching Band<\/em> tee shirts.<\/p>\n<p>Mom made sure she was at as many marching band and orchestra events as possible. Mom had lost her hair after a particularly tough round of chemo, but wore her wig and cervical collar and boldly faced the world.<\/p>\n<p>I have no idea how Mom managed all of this, as a typical upset stomach can derail my day entirely. She drove me to private lessons, which had by now been transferred to Gordon T, as my skills advanced.\u00a0In four years, nearly every musical experience had now somehow been complemented by Mr. T\u2019s presence.<\/p>\n<p>In December, the East Brunswick Marching Band prepared to perform in Orlando, Florida at the NCAA <em>Tangerine Bowl<\/em> <em>and<\/em> at Walt Disney World, in the Main Street Parade!<\/p>\n<p>Having launched a fund-raising campaign the previous spring, the efforts had us all on four late-model <em>Domenico Tours<\/em> chartered buses just before Christmas.<\/p>\n<p>My favorite song at the time was Hall &amp; Oates\u2019 <em><a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/ccenFp_3kq8\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">I Can\u2019t Go For That<\/a><\/em>. I remember the 24-hour rides down and back, blissfully spent in Mike\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2366\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2366\" style=\"width: 430px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-2366\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/reuben-and-me.jpg\" alt=\"&quot;Reuben Kincade&quot; and me\" width=\"430\" height=\"438\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/reuben-and-me.jpg 500w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/reuben-and-me-294x300.jpg 294w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 430px) 100vw, 430px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2366\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">&#8220;Reuben Kincade&#8221; and me. I met the actor on that Florida trip.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2360\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2360\" style=\"width: 430px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-2360\" title=\"EBHS Band arrives in Orlando, FL\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/ebhs-band-disney-300x254.jpg\" alt=\"EBHS Band arrives in Orlando, FL\" width=\"430\" height=\"365\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/ebhs-band-disney-300x254.jpg 300w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/ebhs-band-disney.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 430px) 100vw, 430px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2360\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">EBHS Band arrives in Orlando, FL<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Unfortunately, what also emerged on that trip was a controlling side of Mike I didn\u2019t like.<\/p>\n<p>An odd possessive streak in Mike first manifested in a vocal dislike for certain things I\u2019d written in my journal, which I\u2019d naively shared with him on the Florida trip. First mistake. He made me scribble some things out, and I did. Second mistake.<\/p>\n<p>After having initially being supportive, he took exception to my advancing interest in percussion. He said that women shouldn&#8217;t be drummers, which probably indicated some irrational, convoluted fear of emasculation deep below those piercing green eyes. His treatment of me began to deteriorate. He had no right to say that to me, and my <em>third<\/em> mistake was actually feeling contrite about it when I had no logical reason to. It confused me.<\/p>\n<p>Weren\u2019t <em>cymbals <\/em>percussion, after all? This thing came totally out of left field and made not a lick of sense, and over a pair of drumsticks.<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/musicnotes-tiny.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" size-full wp-image-9464 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/musicnotes-tiny.gif\" alt=\"musicnotes-tiny\" width=\"50\" height=\"61\" \/><\/a>More Love<br \/>\n<\/strong>Kim Carnes<\/p>\n<p><a id=\"mbmaplayer_1375807967159\" class=\"{skin:&#039;black&#039;, animate:false, width:&#039;120&#039;, volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false}\" href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Kim-Carnes-More-Love.mp3\">Kim Carnes &#8211; More Love<\/a><textarea class=\"map_params\" style=\"display: block; padding: 3px; background: #444; color: #fff; text-decoration: none;\" disabled=\"disabled\">map :: {skin:&#8217;black&#8217;, animate:false, width:&#8217;120&#8242;, volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false}<\/textarea><\/p>\n<h3>Danger! Danger!<\/h3>\n<p>Our relationship had taken a downturn, but I was just 15, still inexperienced in these matters and \u201ctook it\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>With today&#8217;s wisdom, I would have sent him packing a lot sooner; alas, I had to learn my lessons the hard way.<\/p>\n<p>Popular songs from the time were <em><a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/O63F7hkiHiI\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">That Girl<\/a><\/em>\u00a0by Stevie Wonder, <em><a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/-MK_o5KzGm0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Genius of Love<\/a>\u00a0<\/em>by Tom-Tom Club, <em>Heat of the Moment<\/em> by Asia, <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/5zyZ3I1XJGs\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><em>Murphy\u2019s Law<\/em><\/a> by Cheri, and <em>Abacab <\/em>by Genesis.<\/p>\n<h3>Nana&#8217;s Party at Beppy&#8217;s<\/h3>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-2364\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/nanas-party-beppys-184x300.jpg\" alt=\"Nana and her 75th Birthday cake\" width=\"400\" height=\"650\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/nanas-party-beppys-184x300.jpg 184w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/nanas-party-beppys-369x600.jpg 369w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/nanas-party-beppys.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>On a happy note, our family celebrated Nana&#8217;s 77th Birthday in January 1982. We fondly remember it as &#8220;Nana&#8217;s Party at Beppy&#8217;s.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The entire family was there, in a large hall with catered food.\u00a0My brother had his tape recorder with him and was asking people questions to get their voices on tape.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, he and Peter ran around together. The rest of us enjoyed visiting and having a delicious buffet. Nana had a wonderful time at her special party, surrounded by everyone she loved.<\/p>\n<p>It was a happy day.\u00a0With the advent of spring, things with my boyfriend began to take on a strange vibe.<\/p>\n<p>Late one afternoon, Mike and I were outside on the front lawn and for some now-forgotten reason, he grabbed me by the shoulders roughly. Dad had spotted this from the window, and immediately saw red.<\/p>\n<p>That evening, unknown to me at the time, Dad went around the corner and rapped on Mike\u2019s door, and Mike himself appeared.\u00a0Dad demanded he get his &amp;%$@# ass outside. There must have been something in Dad\u2019s eyes that motivated Mike to venture forth\u2014 and as a budding man, probably thought better than to involve his own daddy.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2370\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2370\" style=\"width: 400px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-2370\" title=\"Pretending to drive\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/tractor-trailer-me2-300x219.jpg\" alt=\"Pretending to drive\" width=\"400\" height=\"293\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/tractor-trailer-me2-300x219.jpg 300w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/tractor-trailer-me2.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2370\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Pretending to drive<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Never mind that some middle-aged Silver Bullet swillin\u2019 redneck out of New Mexico was simply no match for a flippin\u2019 furious, Newark-reared Vinnie from the block hell-bent on avenging the wonton manhandling of his little girl.<\/p>\n<p>My father declared that if Mike were to handle me in that way ever again, he would break his &amp;%#@* legs. Dad challenged him but Mike remained rooted and quietly acquiesced.<\/p>\n<p>I was eventually told that had Mike advanced, Dad would have more than likely snapped his neck in a rage, and no doubt would have ended up spending a good part of my adult years locked up.<\/p>\n<p>Mike continued his \u201cwomen will be women\u201d attitude. As I began snare drum lessons in the spring with Mr. Whitlock, the assistant band director, Mike\u2019s distaste for my ambitions grew more apparent.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-6706\" title=\"REMO pad and sticks\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/REMO-pad-sticks-300x221.jpg\" alt=\"REMO pad and sticks\" width=\"335\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/REMO-pad-sticks-300x221.jpg 300w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/REMO-pad-sticks.jpg 374w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 335px) 100vw, 335px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I still loved him, but soon detected a strange coldness. It most likely resulted\u00a0from his almost certain demise at the hands of my father (about which I was still unaware at the time).<\/p>\n<p>To my delight, Mr. Whitlock\u00a0gave me my own pair of marching sticks, Pro-Mark DC-10s, which I still have. Mom bought me a REMO pad for practicing. I was in heaven.<\/p>\n<p>Sophomore year of high school, aside from the Mike drama, went pretty well. I had orchestra, conducted by Mrs. Fink.<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/musicnotes-tiny.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" size-full wp-image-9464 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/musicnotes-tiny.gif\" alt=\"musicnotes-tiny\" width=\"50\" height=\"61\" \/><\/a>Our Lips Are Sealed<br \/>\n<\/strong>The Go-Gos<\/p>\n<p><a id=\"mbmaplayer_1375807993473\" class=\"{skin:&#039;black&#039;, animate:false, width:&#039;120&#039;, volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false}\" href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/The-Go-Gos-Our-Lips-Are-Sealed.mp3\">The Go-Gos &#8211; Our Lips Are Sealed<\/a><textarea class=\"map_params\" style=\"display: block; padding: 3px; background: #444; color: #fff; text-decoration: none;\" disabled=\"disabled\">map :: {skin:&#8217;black&#8217;, animate:false, width:&#8217;120&#8242;, volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false}<\/textarea><\/p>\n<p>I successfully auditioned for <em>Central Jersey Senior Region II Orchestra<\/em>, and Mom was there to root me on. She attended as many rehearsals as time and health would allow, sometimes driving carpool for fellow musicians.\u00a0 Mike accompanied my family to the concert in New Providence and seemed to be on his best behavior. Two of my favorites from that program was <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/SvL3-N-GaSc\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Farandole from L\u2019Arl\u00e9sienne<\/a> by Georges Bizet and Rossini&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/YIbYCOiETx0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">William Tell Overture<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Naturally, Gordon T was ahem &#8230; instrumental in my training as well as the ensemble itself.<\/p>\n<h3>A new passion (and it wasn&#8217;t HIM)<\/h3>\n<p>As the weather grew warm, Mike and I were clearly in trouble.\u00a0Though he said he loved me, he was increasingly standoffish and John B seemed to encourage the discontent.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_7333\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-7333\" style=\"width: 246px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-7333 \" title=\"Come again?\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/girls-cant-what.jpeg\" alt=\"Come again?\" width=\"246\" height=\"246\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-7333\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Come again?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>I believe he never favored our relationship from the start; I probably required too much of Mike\u2019s time when he could be gallivanting instead.\u00a0The three of us would walk home from school each day, but I soon felt like a third wheel.<\/p>\n<p>My drum lessons went so well that placement on next year\u2019s snare line in the band was almost guaranteed. Mr. Whitlock said that the only way I wouldn&#8217;t make it was if all my fingers were cut off, and we laughed.<\/p>\n<p>I got experience playing on the drum with a couple of the other drummers, and I practiced <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=52WuM5e49KY\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><em>Aztec Fire<\/em><\/a> (our previous season\u2019s opener) religiously while listening to the tape and reading the chart. Predictably, I aced the tryout. I was <strong><em>overjoyed!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-14306\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/sad-girl.png\" alt=\"Sad girl\" width=\"299\" height=\"306\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Who was there to immediately take a steaming dump on my parade but my small-minded, chauvinist boyfriend. \u201cYou suck at the drums,\u201d he would say. I didn\u2019t know whether his motive was to push me away, or just get me to quit. Well, quitting was out of the question. It stung, but I still loved him.<\/p>\n<p>At one point, he said his parents were having problems and they would be splitting up over the summer; he&#8217;d then go to New Mexico to live with his grandmother. Therefore, we should break up. Another time, he told me that if I quit the drums, I could have him\u2014but he was always being grounded from seeing me because of his grades.<\/p>\n<p>None of this added up. It began to dawn on me that\u00a0 this relationship&#8217;s days were numbered. I wasn&#8217;t going to be manipulated into giving up on drums.<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/musicnotes-tiny.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" size-full wp-image-9464 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/musicnotes-tiny.gif\" alt=\"musicnotes-tiny\" width=\"50\" height=\"61\" \/><\/a>I Know There&#8217;s Something Going On<br \/>\n<\/strong>Frida<\/p>\n<p><a id=\"mbmaplayer_1375808017674\" class=\"{skin:&#039;black&#039;, animate:false, width:&#039;120&#039;, volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false}\" href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Frida-I-Know-Theres-Something-Going-On.mp3\">Frida &#8211; I Know There&#8217;s Something Going On<\/a><textarea class=\"map_params\" style=\"display: block; padding: 3px; background: #444; color: #fff; text-decoration: none;\" disabled=\"disabled\">map :: {skin:&#8217;black&#8217;, animate:false, width:&#8217;120&#8242;, volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false}<\/textarea><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2361\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2361\" style=\"width: 400px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-2361\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/ebhs-band-disney-directors-e1311034737932.jpg\" alt=\"Mr. Whitlock and Gordon J. T.\" width=\"400\" height=\"539\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/ebhs-band-disney-directors-e1311034737932.jpg 261w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/ebhs-band-disney-directors-e1311034737932-222x300.jpg 222w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2361\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Mr. Whitlock and Gordon J. T. on the Florida trip<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><em>Ed. Note: After high school, I would go on to excel in the snare line in college, and join the percussion section of a community wind symphony based at Rutgers and Mercer County College, play drum set in our church Praise group, march snare in a DCA corps, own a drum set, and return every year for WVU Alumni Band.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>In May, EBHS had its spring concert band performance. I happily played the cymbals in the percussion section, and even got to rap on the snare drum during one of the selections.<\/p>\n<p>Afterward, out in front of the school, I was ridiculed. Mike said hateful things, and that sidekick of his, John B mugged a smirk. It really hurt me.<\/p>\n<p>I went home with my family, devastated. For several weeks I poured out my heart to the <em>ME Book<\/em> and listened to music.<\/p>\n<p>Where was I going wrong? <em>Why\u00a0<\/em>was Mike acting this way? I blamed myself because I didn&#8217;t know any better. I didn&#8217;t deserve any of this.<\/p>\n<p>I often hung out with the cute guy Tony across the street from my house, whose father ran a lawn mower business. Too bad he already had a girlfriend \u2026 he had no issues with chick drummers.<\/p>\n<h3>More trouble<\/h3>\n<p>After I had written Mike a note to please get John B to just leave us alone, it obviously did not go over well. My locker was broken into and stuff disappeared. I found a notebook in a nearby trash can.<\/p>\n<p>With no proof, there was nothing I could do besides getting copies of notes from my teachers and friends in my classes. I got more notebooks at KMart that evening and had to double-back for notes and assignments to remain in step with my studies.<\/p>\n<p>I didn&#8217;t deserve John B&#8217;s ire either. He was clearly out of line.<\/p>\n<h3>Final chapter<\/h3>\n<p>Regrettably, I made a last-ditch effort to reconcile with Mike by saying I would \u201cdo it\u201d with him. We&#8217;d already made it to third base months prior, so this didn&#8217;t seem much of a stretch.<\/p>\n<p>Once we got to the woods, however, I just couldn\u2019t go through with it. All sorts of alarms were sounding in my head. That day, I kept my self-respect.<\/p>\n<p>However, he ended up getting it a couple of days later from another girl, Jerri, who&#8217;d been coming on to him. He wasted no time bragging about it. In retrospect, I am <strong>enormously <\/strong>glad I didn\u2019t \u201cgive it up\u201d for such a lousy reason, and to someone who obviously didn\u2019t respect me as a person. It just wasn&#8217;t worth it.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2368\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2368\" style=\"width: 836px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-2368 \" title=\"Tractor 111\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/tractor-111.jpg\" alt=\"Tractor 111\" width=\"836\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/tractor-111.jpg 500w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/tractor-111-300x172.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 767px) 89vw, (max-width: 1000px) 54vw, (max-width: 1071px) 543px, 580px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2368\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">A day of White Line Fever<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Yearbooks were distributed, and according to Mike, I could have mine signed by anyone BUT those of the male persuasion.\u00a0That jealous, pea-brained SOB had crossed <strong>yet another line.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Mike himself was the first to sign it. His message was long and heartfelt and sensitive. It lent no hint as to the sick undercurrent of his feelings.<\/p>\n<p>My mother once went to the S. house to talk to Mike&#8217;s mother about something school-related. Her impression of Mrs. S was of a reticent lady who bowed to her husband&#8217;s every wish, and seemed to be genuinely cowed by him.<\/p>\n<p>If this was the typical dynamic at Mike&#8217;s house, it was no wonder he appeared to be mirroring his father. Mike had already told me that there was physical abuse and alcoholism in the home. I had no intention of standing for this scenario any longer.<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/musicnotes-tiny.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" size-full wp-image-9464 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/musicnotes-tiny.gif\" alt=\"musicnotes-tiny\" width=\"50\" height=\"61\" \/><\/a>Murphy&#8217;s Law<br \/>\n<\/strong>Cheri<\/p>\n<p><a id=\"mbmaplayer_1375808056811\" class=\"{skin:&#039;black&#039;, animate:false, width:&#039;120&#039;, volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false}\" href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Cheri-Murphys-Law.mp3\">Cheri &#8211; Murphy&#8217;s Law<\/a><textarea class=\"map_params\" style=\"display: block; padding: 3px; background: #444; color: #fff; text-decoration: none;\" disabled=\"disabled\">map :: {skin:&#8217;black&#8217;, animate:false, width:&#8217;120&#8242;, volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false}<\/textarea><\/p>\n<h3>Dump that bum; beat the drum<\/h3>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2362\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2362\" style=\"width: 635px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-2362\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/joe-john-unclejohnny-dad-300x249.jpg\" alt=\"Joe, John III, Uncle Johnny and Dad\" width=\"635\" height=\"527\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/joe-john-unclejohnny-dad-300x249.jpg 300w, https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/joe-john-unclejohnny-dad.jpg 495w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 635px) 100vw, 635px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2362\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joe, John III, Uncle Johnny and Dad at a summer party at our house<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>One day in June, school was almost over, and our breakup was unspoken and anticlimactic. Mike walked home with John B.<\/p>\n<p>I remained behind in the band room, tearing up on the triple drums, losing track of time, thinking the equivalent of <em>Bite me, you tool\u00a0<\/em>and walking home later with Annette.\u00a0And the next day, I got my yearbook signed by every guy I knew.<\/p>\n<p>That was about the time when Dad\u2019s bowling teammate Eddie had a thing for me.\u00a0The team picked up on this and razzed him. \u201cWhat\u2019s da matta wit\u2019 ya, robbin\u2019 da cradle?\u201d anchorman Harry the Hat would jest, \u201cYa got da hots for Vinnie\u2019s daughta?\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>The &#8220;Angle&#8221;<\/h3>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-10156 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/angle.jpg\" alt=\"The Angle bowling ball\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" \/>One Sunday after I broke up with Mike, Eddie got me out in the Federal Lanes\u00a0parking lot under the pretense of retrieving Dad\u2019s new bowling ball, <em>The Angle<\/em> from his car.<\/p>\n<p>Well &#8230; this guy had an &#8220;angle&#8221; all right. He wasted no time in moving me up against the car and placing his middle-aged lips on mine, groping me handily.\u00a0I was too innocent to ward off his advances.<\/p>\n<p>Naively, I actually felt flattered to the point of not telling Dad (who would have kicked his ass), and accepted his phone calls on my teen line late at night.<\/p>\n<p>In adult retrospect, I should have kneed him solidly in the junk and dumped Dad\u2019s new 16 lb. ball squarely atop his twisted, child-molesting, jailbait-copping melon.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a title=\"Chapter 18: Fun Summer of Dating\" href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/?page_id=388\">Chapter 18: Fun Summer of Dating<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-13050\" src=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/drum-avatar-thumbnail-sm.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"75\" height=\"75\" \/> <a title=\"Return to Memoirs\" href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/?page_id=13681\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Return to Chapters<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Start of High School Ah Leah Donny Iris Donny Iris &#8211; Ah Leahmap :: {skin:&#8217;black&#8217;, animate:false, width:&#8217;120&#8242;, volume:0.2, autoplay:false, loop:false, showVolumeLevel:true, showTime:true, showRew:true, downloadable:false, downloadablesecurity:false, id3: false} On our first day at East Brunswick High School,\u00a0Mike and I walked together, stopping in the orchard on the school grounds for some private time. This would become &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/?page_id=370\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Chapter 17: Red Flags Everywhere&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14245,"parent":4,"menu_order":18,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-370","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/370","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=370"}],"version-history":[{"count":50,"href":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/370\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17853,"href":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/370\/revisions\/17853"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/14245"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/adrummergirlslife.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=370"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}